Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Ladies: Team Meeting

So much bloviage has been sprayed all over Rush Limbaugh of late that I'm not even going to provide relevant links.  Watching this sad sack of a man demonstrate his utter ignorance of the workings of the female reproductive system, I had one thought:  Some woman actually (and in theory, consensually) agreed to fuck this he-creature?

Ladies, we have got to hold the line, here.  It saddens me to say it, but our quality control has been slipping.  (I blame birth control, of course.) I've seen too many women in heels, sequins, make-up, and $400 jeans on dates with guys in torn cargo shorts and flip-flops.  If a guy picks you up dressed like that, don't fuck that guy.  Seriously.  I respect your autonomy and free expression of your sexuality and &c. &c., but don't fuck that guy.  Before he can have pants taken off, he should have pants on.  Standards.  Let's have some.

Second.  I've spent some time looking up 'purity pledges' (sidenote: don't do that) because I think a new purity pledge is in order.  A Slutty Purity Pledge:

I (Name) pledge my purity to myself.  I recognize that pussy is a privilege, not to be squandered on the undeserving.  Therefore, I vow never, ever to have sex with a registered Republican, anyone who quotes Ayn Rand and/or Nietszche in a non-ironic fashion, anyone who listens to Nickelback, and anyone who listens to Rush Limbaugh (or is Rush Limbaugh). [Further standards will be worked out in committee.]

Thanks, Ladies.  Good talk.