Something For Nothing

Whenever I talk to my Orange County Republican relatives, I notice this disconnection in their thoughts about government, taxes, and resources. Specifically, they take almost any opportunity to complain about paying taxes--any kind of taxes, local, state, Federal, property. These taxes, they all believe, go to welfare mothers who have children just to get more benefits, lazy people, and Mexicans. Simultaneously, they all expect the following: good public schools. Firefighters. Police (oh, they love the police!). Roads and highways in good repair. And more roads and highways being built so that they don't have to sit in traffic. They also seem to take for granted: clean water coming from the taps. A sewage system that is not the gutter in front of their million-dollar homes. Air that, in Southern California, is cleaner than it was fifty years ago, despite the fact that there are millions more cars on the road.

They seem to expect that the government should be able to do all of these things for them, while asking nothing from them. They want something--the infrastructure and benefits of a civilized society--for nothing.

This Deep Thought post was inspired by Republicans in the California State Legislature, who have blocked the passage of a budget for over 100 days now. Apparently a lot of them took some kind of bullshit "no tax hikes" pledge that supercedes the well-being of their constituents or the social stability of the state. I wish there was some way to isolate these communities of no-new-taxes assholes and say, all right, fine: you don't have to pay taxes. In return, if your house burns down, well, here's a goddamn hose. Good luck. P.S. Enjoy homeschooling your children.

Unclear on the Concept

John Boehner, in opposing the stimulus bill: “The president made clear when we started this process that this was about jobs,” Mr. Boehner said after the vote. “Jobs. Jobs. Jobs. And what it’s turned into is nothing more than spending, spending and more spending.”

Yes. Well. How is it, exactly, that one creates jobs without spending money? Oh, right, tax cuts for the wealthy. Then they can hire more nannies, and--hey, let's just go 18th century--scullery maids. You'll get one half-day off a week, 12 pence in spending money, and hand-me-downs on Boxing Day.

Even if one were to give tax cuts to the middle class (Republicans guffaw, puff cigars) that still wouldn't create jobs. The idea--if it can be so called--is that you give people tax cuts, and they immediately hie themselves off to Best Buy and get stuffs. This, in turn, makes manufacturers make more stuffs! For which they need to hire people, and thus, tax cuts=jobs.

There are just a few little problems with this virtuous cycle. One: most people are so screwed, economically and otherwise, right now, that they will not be taking their pittance and spending it at Best Buy or Wal-Mart or wherever. They will be using it to pay down their debt, or pay their mortgage, or keep themselves afloat while they look for new jobs, since everyone has been fired. Two: even if people did decide to spend money on stuffs rather than milk, most of these factories are overseas. So Americans buying manufactured goods does not translate into American jobs. It may help the Chinese, or the Indians, but not us. See? Three: Even if, in a sort of [then a miracle occurred] way, tax cuts did magically rebound to create American jobs, this would still take a while. And we don't have a while, okay? We need to hire people immediately, post-haste, and the only entity apparently capable or willing to do that is the Federal Fucking Government.

Can we make intelligence tests a pre-condition for being a member of the House or Senate? Can we require some basic courses in economics? Biology? History? Jeebus.

I Now Think

Whenever Maureen Dowd is talking about "America," she is actually talking about "Maureen." Example: "Once upon a time, America thought Prince Charming would glide in and kiss her, reviving her from a coma induced by a poison apple of greed, deceit, carelessness, recklessness and overreaching."

What is the Sound of One God Laughing?

The god named Irony, who has been tirelessly working lo these past eight years, takes another swig of scotch and, voila: Unemployment Offices Cannot Process Claims Because All Government Offices Had to Fire People. That's right, the people who process unemployment claims are themselves unemployed, due to the notable lack of, oh, what is it again, cash money.

Zen Mind Says: Fuck These People

So, the G.O.P., in a desperate ploy to increase their marginal status, has decided to oppose some things in the stimulus bill. Which is cute, since they're not going to vote for it anyway, even if they all got their own personal taint washer/bidet.

Here are things that Republicans think Real Americans don't need:

• Functional sewers. Since we'll all be living in the gutters anyway.
• Museums. Because they're elitist.
• Computers. If Granpa did without 'em, you don't need 'em.
  
• Wildland fire management. We want California to burn. Burn, baby, burn.
• Centers for Disease Control. Only brown people and gays get diseases, everyone knows that.