(A New Year's Hypothetical Scenario)
Sarah Palin gave one of her daughters (which one is the fourteen year old? Hamper? Window?) to Rod Blagojevich, in grateful appreciation for getting everyone to stop talking about whether her shopping spree cost $180,000 or $300,000 or (in the current economic climate) three cans of Planter's Peanuts and some rifle shells.
This child would be invincible! It would be convinced of its intelligence and superiority and general awesomeness, no matter what evidence was presented to the contrary! It would have fantastic hair!
It would also frequently walk into closed sliding glass doors and forget the way home from school, but that's neither here nor there.
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